Part I: in myth and History
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WE CAN NEVER KNOW WHEN ANY STORY TRULY BEGINS, BECAUSE EVERY STORY HAS ROOTS THAT WIND FAR BACK INTO THE PAST AND BRANCHES THAT REACH FORWARD BEYOND OUR IMAGINING. STILL, IF WE ARE COMPANIONS TO ORAN, THE FIRST CHAPTER OF OUR STORY MUST BEGIN WITH HIM ON IONA, AND END WITH COLUMBA’S CRY, "UIR! UIR! AIR BEUL ODHRAIN" OR, "EARTH, EARTH ON ORAN'S MOUTH!" IT IS A DISTURBING STORY, FILLED WITH AWE, WONDER, AND UNYIELDING MYSTERY — AND YET IT TOUCHES SOMETHING PROFOUND IN THE DEEPEST PARTS OF OUR BEINGS, AND CALLS PILGRIMS FROM ACROSS THE WORLD TO THE ISLAND OF IONA. IT IS NO SURPRISE, THEN, THAT NEXT CHAPTER OF OUR STORY WOULD BEGIN WITH THE SPIRITS OF THE SACRED LAND OF IONA ITSELF, CRYING OUT IN VISION TO OUR FOUNDER BILL COHEA JR. IN BILL’S OWN WORDS FROM AN UNPUBLISHED INTERVIEW:* “ON A WARM AFTERNOON IN THE SUMMER OF 1967, I FELL ASLEEP ON A GRASSY MOUND ON THE HIGHEST POINT OF IONA (DUN-I). I DREAMED THAT A CROWD OF STANDING STONES APPROACHED ME, FACELESS, SOME DRESSED IN RAGS. AT FIRST I WAS TERRIFIED, BUT AS THEY NEARED I FOUND MYSELF FILLED WITH AWE AND LOVE FOR THESE GREAT BEINGS.”
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THESE VISIONS SOAKED DEEPER INTO THE MARROW OF BILL’S BEING FOR YEARS AS HE BEGAN THE WORK OF BUILDING COLUMCILLE MEGALITH PARK IN THE POCONO MOUNTAINS OF PENSYLVANIA, ALSO INSPIRED BY HIS JOURNEYS TO IONA. GRADUALLY A CLEAR SENSE OF LEADING EMERGED AROUND HIS PARTICIPATION IN THE DEEPER, SPIRITUAL REALITIES TAKING SHAPE AT COLUMCILLE AS WELL. AS BILL SAID, “I RETURNED TO IONA AGAIN IN THE FALL OF 1979. ON ONE PARTICULAR RAINY MORNING I WENT INTO THE ST. ORAN CHAPEL. I WAS REALLY JUST LOOKING FOR SOME QUIET TIME. SUDDENLY I FELT THE ENERGY OF THE STANDING STONES ONCE MORE. WITH ALL MY BEING I TRIED TO TELL THEM THAT I LOVED THEM AND THAT I WANTED TO JOIN THEM. BUT SOMEHOW I FELT AN OVERWHELMING RESPONSE, AS THOUGHT THEY WERE SAYING: “NO, WE WANT TO JOIN YOU. YOUR WORK IS OUR WORK, AND OUR WORK IS YOUR WORK . . .”
“A FEW DAYS LATER I TRIED TO SAY GOODBYE TO THEM AT THE BASE OF DUN-I. I WAS LITERALLY IN TEARS. IF ANYONE SAW ME I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY MUST HAVE THOUGHT. EVENTUALLY I STARTED BACK TOWARD ST. MICHAEL’S CHAPEL NEXT TO THE ABBEY. THAT’S WHEN I REALIZED I WASN’T ALONE. I WENT INSIDE AND WALKED THROUGH THE LONG ROWS OF PEWS ON EITHER SIDE. THERE WERE JUST A FEW PEOPLE AROUND HAVING THEIR EVENING PRAYER TIME. I SAT DOWN ON ONE SIDE AND THEY SAT ACROSS FROM ME. IT WAS AT THAT POINT THAT I INVITED SOME OF THEM HOME. AT FIRST I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO BE PEOPLE WHO WOULD ENTER MY LIFE.”
BILL AND HIS PARTNER FREDDIE LINDKVIST BEGAN TO ENVISION AN ORDER OF MONKS WHO MIGHT ONE DAY RESIDE AT COLUMCILLE AND BECOME BOTH CARETAKERS TO THE STONES THERE, AND MINISTERS TO COLUMCILLE’S MANY VISITORS. THEIR PASSION BEGAN TO KINDLE THE INTEREST OF A NUMBER OF CLOSE FRIENDS, AND THE MOMENTUM BEGAN TO GROW. AS BILL RELATES, “IN JUNE OF ’84 WE OFFICIALLY ESTABLISHED THE ORDER OF ST. ORAN. IT BEGAN WITH EIGHT BROTHERS INCLUDING FRED AND MYSELF … THE ORIGINAL GROUP ALL HAD SOME KIND OF BACKGROUND IN THE CLERGY IN ADDITION TO BEING TEACHERS AND ADMINISTRATORS, ETC.” “NO ONE ENTERED INTO IT LIGHTLY. WE TOOK OUR VOWS AND COMMITMENTS SERIOUSLY. THE REAL QUESTION WAS HOW TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER. WE STILL HAD TARA BRIGHID AT THAT TIME (AN ADJOINING PROPERTY TO COLUMCILLE), SO HOUSING WASN’T AN ISSUE. BUT AGAIN THE PROBLEM WAS KEEPING PEOPLE TOGETHER. OUR MEMBERS WERE FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, AND NO ONE COULD STAY PERMANENTLY. FIRST WE WENT TO MEETINGS ON DESIGNATED WEEKENDS, THEN TO MORE OF A BI-ANNUAL OR YEARLY THING. THIS WAS ALL BEFORE EMAIL OF COURSE. WE SURE USED TO HAVE HUGE PHONE BILLS–STILL DO! SO IN THE END IT KIND OF FADED OUT ON ITS OWN.”
“WE HAD THE PHRASE “TO BE RADICALLY PRESENT IN THE WORLD.” WHICH MEANT HOLDING TO A COMMITMENT OF LOVE AND COMPASSION FOR OTHERS, AS WELL AS FREEDOM AND OPENNESS IN OUR OWN SELF-UNFOLDMENT WITHIN A MONASTIC CONTEXT. IT WAS LIKE THE OLD WORKER-PRIEST; THE IDEA THAT THE THEOLOGICAL ASPECT SHOULD BE ROOTED IN THE LAND AND WORK ON THE LAND. IT WAS ALSO VERY ECUMENICAL. WE USED THE WORD “CHRIST” IN THE SENSE OF SPIRIT, USING HIS MINISTRY AS A KIND OF GUIDEPOST.”
IN KEEPING WITH BILL’S CHERISHED MOTTO, “THE WAY YOU THINK IT IS MIGHT NOT BE THE WAY IT IS AT ALL,” THE ORDER OF ORAN EASED OVER THE YEARS INTO A LOVELY DISORDER OF TENDER FRIENDSHIPS, SCATTERED ACROSS TIME AND SPACE. THE STANDING STONES OF COLUMCILLE BECAME ITS RESIDENT MONKS INSTEAD, QUIETLY TENDING TO THE SOULS OF VISITORS AS THEY WANDERED ALONG THE WOODLAND PATHS. STILL, LIKE ORAN HIMSELF, BILL’S VISION OF AN ORDER WOULD NOT STAY EASILY BURIED, AND QUIETLY CALLED KINDRED SPIRITS TO HIM FROM ACROSS THE MILES AND YEARS.
“A FEW DAYS LATER I TRIED TO SAY GOODBYE TO THEM AT THE BASE OF DUN-I. I WAS LITERALLY IN TEARS. IF ANYONE SAW ME I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY MUST HAVE THOUGHT. EVENTUALLY I STARTED BACK TOWARD ST. MICHAEL’S CHAPEL NEXT TO THE ABBEY. THAT’S WHEN I REALIZED I WASN’T ALONE. I WENT INSIDE AND WALKED THROUGH THE LONG ROWS OF PEWS ON EITHER SIDE. THERE WERE JUST A FEW PEOPLE AROUND HAVING THEIR EVENING PRAYER TIME. I SAT DOWN ON ONE SIDE AND THEY SAT ACROSS FROM ME. IT WAS AT THAT POINT THAT I INVITED SOME OF THEM HOME. AT FIRST I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO BE PEOPLE WHO WOULD ENTER MY LIFE.”
BILL AND HIS PARTNER FREDDIE LINDKVIST BEGAN TO ENVISION AN ORDER OF MONKS WHO MIGHT ONE DAY RESIDE AT COLUMCILLE AND BECOME BOTH CARETAKERS TO THE STONES THERE, AND MINISTERS TO COLUMCILLE’S MANY VISITORS. THEIR PASSION BEGAN TO KINDLE THE INTEREST OF A NUMBER OF CLOSE FRIENDS, AND THE MOMENTUM BEGAN TO GROW. AS BILL RELATES, “IN JUNE OF ’84 WE OFFICIALLY ESTABLISHED THE ORDER OF ST. ORAN. IT BEGAN WITH EIGHT BROTHERS INCLUDING FRED AND MYSELF … THE ORIGINAL GROUP ALL HAD SOME KIND OF BACKGROUND IN THE CLERGY IN ADDITION TO BEING TEACHERS AND ADMINISTRATORS, ETC.” “NO ONE ENTERED INTO IT LIGHTLY. WE TOOK OUR VOWS AND COMMITMENTS SERIOUSLY. THE REAL QUESTION WAS HOW TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER. WE STILL HAD TARA BRIGHID AT THAT TIME (AN ADJOINING PROPERTY TO COLUMCILLE), SO HOUSING WASN’T AN ISSUE. BUT AGAIN THE PROBLEM WAS KEEPING PEOPLE TOGETHER. OUR MEMBERS WERE FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, AND NO ONE COULD STAY PERMANENTLY. FIRST WE WENT TO MEETINGS ON DESIGNATED WEEKENDS, THEN TO MORE OF A BI-ANNUAL OR YEARLY THING. THIS WAS ALL BEFORE EMAIL OF COURSE. WE SURE USED TO HAVE HUGE PHONE BILLS–STILL DO! SO IN THE END IT KIND OF FADED OUT ON ITS OWN.”
“WE HAD THE PHRASE “TO BE RADICALLY PRESENT IN THE WORLD.” WHICH MEANT HOLDING TO A COMMITMENT OF LOVE AND COMPASSION FOR OTHERS, AS WELL AS FREEDOM AND OPENNESS IN OUR OWN SELF-UNFOLDMENT WITHIN A MONASTIC CONTEXT. IT WAS LIKE THE OLD WORKER-PRIEST; THE IDEA THAT THE THEOLOGICAL ASPECT SHOULD BE ROOTED IN THE LAND AND WORK ON THE LAND. IT WAS ALSO VERY ECUMENICAL. WE USED THE WORD “CHRIST” IN THE SENSE OF SPIRIT, USING HIS MINISTRY AS A KIND OF GUIDEPOST.”
IN KEEPING WITH BILL’S CHERISHED MOTTO, “THE WAY YOU THINK IT IS MIGHT NOT BE THE WAY IT IS AT ALL,” THE ORDER OF ORAN EASED OVER THE YEARS INTO A LOVELY DISORDER OF TENDER FRIENDSHIPS, SCATTERED ACROSS TIME AND SPACE. THE STANDING STONES OF COLUMCILLE BECAME ITS RESIDENT MONKS INSTEAD, QUIETLY TENDING TO THE SOULS OF VISITORS AS THEY WANDERED ALONG THE WOODLAND PATHS. STILL, LIKE ORAN HIMSELF, BILL’S VISION OF AN ORDER WOULD NOT STAY EASILY BURIED, AND QUIETLY CALLED KINDRED SPIRITS TO HIM FROM ACROSS THE MILES AND YEARS.
Part II: In Love and Mystery
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IT WAS IN THE SPRING OF 2014, JUST ONE MONTH AFTER THE DEATH OF BILL’S BELOVED PARTNER FREDDIE, THAT THE ORDER OF ORAN WAS REBORN. I HAD FINISHED LEADING A WORKSHOP AT KIRKRIDGE, THE RETREAT CENTER ADJOINING COLUMCILLE, AND WAS WEARY-WORN AND EAGER TO RENEW THE WELLSPRINGS OF MY OWN SOUL AMIDST THE GENTLE STANDING STONES. AS I EMERGED FROM A PERIOD OF DEEP, PEACEFUL CONTEMPLATION IN THE BELL TOWER, I WAS GREETED BY THE VISION OF A CRAZY OLD IRISHMAN, BEAMING AT ME AND GLEEFULLY WAVING HIS ARMS MADLY IN THE AIR ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE PARK, EITHER TO SUMMON ME OVER, OR ELSE TAKE FLIGHT. I FOUND MYSELF SPONTANEOUSLY RUNNING TOWARDS HIM, AND LITERALLY FLUNG MYSELF INTO HIS WAITING ARMS. WE BURST OUT LAUGHING, AND OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS BORN.
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OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS ONE OF LOVE’S HOLY MYSTERIES FROM THE VERY BEGINNING; WE HADN’T ACTUALLY MET, AND YET WE SHARE AN INSTANT FAMILIARITY, COMFORT, TRUST AND INTIMACY THAT ORDINARILY TAKES YEARS TO DEVELOP. I BEGAN TRAVELING UP THERE MORE AND MORE OFTEN, AND HAD THE EXTRAORDINARY FORTUNE TO SUPPORT BILL THROUGH HIS GRIEVING AND HIS GROWING DANCE WIT HIS OWN MORTALITY. HE CONFIDED IN ME HIS FEARS AND HOPES FOR THE PARK, AND MORE THAN ONCE OFFERED TO WILL THE WHOLE THING TO ME.
MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE BILL SHARED HIS DISAPPOINTMENT, HIS DELIGHT, AND HIS DREAMS FOR THE ORDER. AS HE REGALED ME WITH TALES OF THEIR JOURNEY TOGETHER, I FELT A DOORWAY AS BIG AS THOR’S GATE OPEN UP INSIDE ME. SOMETHING VAST AND TENDER WOKE UP IN MY HEART AND I KNEW I HAD FOUND A TRUE CALLING.
AS THE MONTHS WENT BY, BILL BEGAN SHARING MORE ABOUT HOW MUCH THE ORDER MEANT TO ALL OF THEM, AND HOW DEEP THEIR COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER TRULY WAS. SEVERAL OF THE FIRST MEMBERS, LIKE BILL AND FREDDIE, WERE QUIETLY GAY OR BISEXUAL, SOME WORKING IN POSITIONS THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN JEOPARDIZED IF THE TRUTH WERE KNOWN, AND SOME — LIKE MANY GAY MEN AT THE TIME — LIVED IN FAITHFUL MARRIAGES. ALL OF THEM LIVED LIVES OF PROFOUND SERVICE. PARADOXICALLY, IN THE WAY OF THE WORLD, THIS GAVE THEM LITTLE ROOM TO BE THEMSELVES COMPLETELY, AND LITTLE TIME, SPACE, OR ENERGY FOR SELF-CARE. AS COLUMCILLE BECAME A SANCTUARY, THE ORDER BECAME A FAMILY, A SAFE SPACE TO LAY DOWN THEIR “BURDENS AND BULLSHIT”, RISK VULNERABILITY, SLOW DOWN, SPEAK THE HARD TRUTHS, AND BE HELD BY THEIR LOVING COMPANIONS.
OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS ONE OF LOVE’S HOLY MYSTERIES FROM THE VERY BEGINNING; WE HADN’T ACTUALLY MET, AND YET WE SHARE AN INSTANT FAMILIARITY, COMFORT, TRUST AND INTIMACY THAT ORDINARILY TAKES YEARS TO DEVELOP. I BEGAN TRAVELING UP THERE MORE AND MORE OFTEN, AND HAD THE EXTRAORDINARY FORTUNE TO SUPPORT BILL THROUGH HIS GRIEVING AND HIS GROWING DANCE WIT HIS OWN MORTALITY. HE CONFIDED IN ME HIS FEARS AND HOPES FOR THE PARK, AND MORE THAN ONCE OFFERED TO WILL THE WHOLE THING TO ME.
MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE BILL SHARED HIS DISAPPOINTMENT, HIS DELIGHT, AND HIS DREAMS FOR THE ORDER. AS HE REGALED ME WITH TALES OF THEIR JOURNEY TOGETHER, I FELT A DOORWAY AS BIG AS THOR’S GATE OPEN UP INSIDE ME. SOMETHING VAST AND TENDER WOKE UP IN MY HEART AND I KNEW I HAD FOUND A TRUE CALLING.
AS THE MONTHS WENT BY, BILL BEGAN SHARING MORE ABOUT HOW MUCH THE ORDER MEANT TO ALL OF THEM, AND HOW DEEP THEIR COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER TRULY WAS. SEVERAL OF THE FIRST MEMBERS, LIKE BILL AND FREDDIE, WERE QUIETLY GAY OR BISEXUAL, SOME WORKING IN POSITIONS THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN JEOPARDIZED IF THE TRUTH WERE KNOWN, AND SOME — LIKE MANY GAY MEN AT THE TIME — LIVED IN FAITHFUL MARRIAGES. ALL OF THEM LIVED LIVES OF PROFOUND SERVICE. PARADOXICALLY, IN THE WAY OF THE WORLD, THIS GAVE THEM LITTLE ROOM TO BE THEMSELVES COMPLETELY, AND LITTLE TIME, SPACE, OR ENERGY FOR SELF-CARE. AS COLUMCILLE BECAME A SANCTUARY, THE ORDER BECAME A FAMILY, A SAFE SPACE TO LAY DOWN THEIR “BURDENS AND BULLSHIT”, RISK VULNERABILITY, SLOW DOWN, SPEAK THE HARD TRUTHS, AND BE HELD BY THEIR LOVING COMPANIONS.
BILL AND I GREW CLOSER EACH DAY, AND OUR SHARING ABOUT THE ORDER BECAME A LIVED EXPERIENCE IN OUR OWN RELATIONSHIP — WE BECAME COMPANIONS, SUPPORTING EACH OTHER THROUGH THE TRIALS OF HIS GRIEVING AND MY STRUGGLES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. IN THE SUMMER OF 2015, BILL INITIATED ME AS THE LAST MEMBER OF THE ORIGINAL ORDER. WE WENT TO COLUMCILLE’S BELL TOWER, WHERE EACH OF THE ORIGINAL MEMBERS HAD BECOME COMPANIONS OF ORAN, AND I OFFERED A FEW DROPS OF MY OWN LIFEBLOOD BENEATH THE STONE WALLS, AS A SYMBOL OF MY VOWS AND A GESTURE OF MY ONENESS WITH THEM.
BILL HAD OFTEN SPOKEN OF HIS EXPERIENCES OF THE VAST ENERGIES OF IONA AND COLUMCILLE, OF THE “WIND AND POWER AND LIGHT” AND “GREAT LOVE” HE EXPERIENCED IN THEIR PRESENCE, OF THE OVERWHELMING PRESENCE OF ENERGIES RIGHT THERE, ALMOST PHYSICALLY. I HAD, OF COURSE, FELT THE PROFOUND, EMBRACING PEACE OF THE STANDING STONES THAT GRACED THE ROLLING HILLS OF COLUMCILLE, AND IN MY MORE NUMINOUS MOMENTS, SEEN THE SOFT FLOWING LIGHT THAT FLOWS AROUND THE LAND AND LIVING THINGS, WITH OCCASIONAL FLICKERS OF BEINGS IN THE CORNERS OF MY VISION. OFTEN, WHEN WE TALKED, WE FELT THE SENSE OF BEINGS GENTLY BENDING OVER US, AS IF TO WARMING THEMSELVES WITH THE FIRE OF OUR HEARTS. NOTHING PREPARED ME, THOUGH, FOR THE PALPABLE SENSE OF THE ENERGIES THAT PRESSED IN AROUND BILL AND I IN THE MEETINGS THAT FOLLOWED MY INITIATION.
IT WAS A NIGHT NOT LONG AFTER MY ORDERING. NEITHER BILL OR I COULD SLEEP, AND SO WE SAT TOGETHER IN THE PRIVATE LIBRARY JUST OFF THE MAIN GATHERING SPACE IN CASA COLUM, WHILING THE NIGHT AWAY WITH PASSIONATE CONVERSATION, GRABBING BOOKS DOWN FROM THE SHELVES, REELING OFF STORIES AND LAUGHING TOGETHER AT OUR OWN LOVELY FOOLISHNESS.
AND THEN THEY CAME. IT WAS AS IF ALL THE LIGHT IN THE WORLD WAS COMPRESSED IN A SINGLE PLACE, PRESSED TOGETHER BY AN EVEN GREATER DARKNESS, A MYSTERY SO REAL AND SOLID THAT WE OURSELVES SEEMED TO BE AS INSUBSTANTIAL AS BRIEFLY FLICKERING FLAMES. THE SILENCE SEEMED TO ALMOST ROAR AROUND US, DROWNING OUR CONVERSATION. BILL’S EYES LIT UP LIKE STARS THE ONLY TWO STARS ON A PITCH-BLACK NIGHT, AND HE BEGAN TO TELL THE STORY OF HIS ENCOUNTERS WITH THE BEINGS ONCE AGAIN — BUT THIS TIME WITH A DIFFERENCE. IT WAS AS IF IT WAS THEY, AND NOT HE, THAT WERE TELLING THE STORY, IN A HALTING, STRANGELY LILTING VOICE THAT WAS MORE SILENCE THAN SOUND. “WE WANT TO JOIN YOU,” THEY SAID — BUT THIS TIME TO ME. “YOUR WORK IS OUR WORK, AND OUR WORK IS YOUR WORK, AND SO IT WILL ALWAYS BE.”
BILL’S BODY GAVE A LITTLE INVOLUNTARY SHAKE, AND HE SMILED A SOFT, PLAYFUL SMILE, HIS EYES TWINKLING AGAIN AS HE LIT HIS PIPE AND A WISP OF CHERRY CAVENDISH ROSE UP, SPIRALING AROUND HIM. THE LIGHT SOFTENED, AND SPREAD OUT GENTLY OVER THE ROOM. “IT’S A GOOD TIME TO SLEEP,” HE SAID. “TOMORROW WE WILL DANCE WITH THE STONES.”
WHAT HAPPENED THE NEXT DAY, I STILL HAVE TROUBLE DESCRIBING. BILL HAD OFTEN TOLD ME, AS WE SAT ON HIS PORCH LOOKING OUT OVER THE PARK IN THE EARLY TWILIGHT OF EVENING, THAT AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME EACH DAY, WHEN THE PARK IS ALL BUT EMPTY, THE STONES BEGIN TO DANCE — AND THAT IF THEY ALLOWED, YOU MIGHT EVEN DANCE WITH THEM. HE’D OFTEN RAISE HIS EYEBROWS, STUDYING ME TO SEE HOW I MIGHT REACT, AND THEN QUICKLY LOOK AWAY AGAIN WITH A PLAYFUL WINK, AND GAZE OUT OVER THE PARK. THIS DAY WAS DIFFERENT. JUST WHEN THE TWILIGHT BEGINS TO SOFTEN THE EDGES OF THINGS, BILL HE GOT UP FROM HIS CHAIR AND REACHED FOR HIS WALKING STICK. “IT’S TIME,” HE SAID. “THE STONES ARE CALLING.”
WE GOT IN BILL’S GOLF CART, AFFECTIONATELY CALLED “THE MULE,” AND DROVE DOWN TO THE STONE CIRCLE AT THE HEART OF COLUMCILLE. BILL WALKED ME OVER TO A GREAT STANDING STONE WITH A BROAD, FLAT SURFACE THAT LOOKED OUT OVER THE CIRCLE FROM A SMALL WAYS AWAY. “IT’S FROM HERE YOU CAN SEE IT,” HE SAID. “IT’S FROM HERE YOU CAN ENTER THE DANCE.”
WE QUIETLY WAITED AS THE SOFT DARKNESS GREW AROUND US, RESTING AGAINST THE STONE, OUR SHOULDERS PRESSED TOGETHER. BILL TOOK A GREAT BREATH, PURSED HIS LIPS, AND GAZED SOFTLY INTO MY EYES AS HE SLOWLY BLEW OUT. “I’M GOING TO DANCE WITH THEM, AND I WANT YOU TO STAY RIGHT HERE. WATCH EVERYTHING. WHEN I CALL YOU IN, COME JOIN THE DANCE.”
HOW CAN I PUT THIS? IT WAS EXACTLY AS IF THE STONES THEMSELVES BEGAN TO DANCE IN A SLOW COUNTERCLOCKWISE CIRCLE, STILL ROOTED IN PLACE BUT SOMEHOW ABSOLUTELY MOVING, LIKE PLANETS WHIRLING IN SPACE OR DERVISHES ORBITING GOD. THEY SEEMED TO SWAY AS THEY DANCED, LIKE BEES DRUNK ON HONEY, AND EVERYTHING AROUND THEM — THE TREES, THE LAST BIRDS FLYING IN THE TWILIGHT, THE BREEZE ITSELF — SEEMED TO LEAN IN TOWARDS THE DANCE, JOINING IN. BILL QUIETLY MOVED AMONG THE STONES IN THE SAME DREAMLIKE WAY, RESTING HIS HAND QUIETLY ON EACH ONE, SOMETIMES PRESSING HIS BODY GENTLY AGAINST THEM THE WAY ANIMALS DO WITH THEIR OWN KIND, AS MUCH LIKE A STANDING STONE HIMSELF AS A HUMAN BEING.
BILL GLANCED MY WAY, NODDED, AND I FELT THE CURRENT PULL ME IN -- AND THEN THERE WAS ONLY THE DANCE.
THE COMPANIONS OF ORAN NEVER "FADED." THEY WERE THERE BEFORE ORAN, WAITING. THEY WERE THERE WHEN BILL FIRST LAY DOWN AT THE CREST OF DUN-I. THEY CALLED THE FIRST MEMBERS OF THE ORDER TO DANCE WITH THEM AT COLUMCILLE. NOW, THEY HAD WELCOMED ME AS ONE OF THEIR OWN, AND INVITED ME TO JOIN THEM IN UNENDING SURRENDER INTO THE MYSTERY.
IN THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED, BILL AND I BEGAN TO SPEAK OF GROWING THE ORDER OF ORAN ONCE AGAIN.
PART III: RISING IN THE ACTIVE PRESENT
IRONICALLY AND TERRIBLY APPROPRIATELY, IT WAS BILL’S DYING THAT GAVE THE ORDER OF ORAN NEW LIFE ONCE AGAIN. IN THE MONTHS THAT LED UP TO HIS PASSING, BILL GATHERED TO HIMSELF MANY FRIENDS OLD AND NEW, SOME OF WHOM HAD CROSSED PATHS, AND OTHERS WHO HAILED FROM VERY DIFFERENT ERAS IN BILL’S OWN JOURNEY. BILL AND I CALLED A HANDFUL OF THESE KINDRED SPIRITS TOGETHER LATE IN THE WINTER OF 2018, AND SHARED THE DOCUMENTS WE HAD BEEN RE-CREATING WITH THEM. WE SAT WITH THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS ON OUR HEARTS: WHAT IS THE NEED IN EACH OF OUR LIVES, AND WHAT IS THE NEED IN OUR WORLD? WHAT DOES THE ORDER OF ORAN OFFER TO MEET THAT NEED? HOW CAN THE ORDER EVOLVE TO MEET THOSE NEEDS IN A SKILLFUL, TIMELY WAY?
IT BECAME CLEAR TO ALL OF US THAT THE NEED FOR DEEPENING IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE MYSTERY OF OUR LIVES, THE NEED TO CHERISH CREATION, THE NEED TO FIND A SAFE SPACE TO DISCOVER AND PURSUE OUR OWN TRUTHS, AND THE NEED FOR A COMMUNITY OF AUTHENTIC, EMPOWERING SUPPORT WAS GREATER THAN EVERY! OTHER THINGS CHANGED: WE RECOGNIZED THE NEED TO ACTIVELY WELCOM PEOPLE OF EVERY FAITH, GENDER, AND SEXUALITY, AND LET THE CHRISTIAN LANGUAGE GO IN FAVOR OF A MORE UNIVERSAL, AND LESS RELIGIOUSLY SPECIFIC MESSAGE. WE RECOGNIZED THAT THE ORDER WAS INTEGRAL TO THE LIFE OF COLUMCILLE, AND COLUMCILLE TO THE ORDER, BUT HAD THE CLEAR UNDERSTANDING THAT EACH HAD ITS OWN LIFE. WE CHANGED OUR NAME TO THE COMPANIONS OF ORAN.
THE STORY OF BILL’S PASSING INTO MYSTERY IS ANOTHER STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME, BUT IT IS ALSO A PART OF OUR STORY, BECAUSE IT WAS OUR LOVE FOR HIM AND THE MYSTERY HE LOVES, THAT BROUGHT US TO EACH OTHER. CARING FOR HIM IN HIS LAST DAYS FUSED US TOGETHER, TENDING AND CRYING AND LAUGHING IN EACH OTHERS’ ARMS. IN OCTOBER OF 2018, WE GATHERED AROUND THE CENTER STONE IN COLUMBA’S CHAPEL, AND MADE A COMMITMENT TO WALK WITH EACH OTHER INTO THE MYSTERY – AND THE COMPANIONS OF ORAN WAS REBORN.
IT BECAME CLEAR TO ALL OF US THAT THE NEED FOR DEEPENING IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE MYSTERY OF OUR LIVES, THE NEED TO CHERISH CREATION, THE NEED TO FIND A SAFE SPACE TO DISCOVER AND PURSUE OUR OWN TRUTHS, AND THE NEED FOR A COMMUNITY OF AUTHENTIC, EMPOWERING SUPPORT WAS GREATER THAN EVERY! OTHER THINGS CHANGED: WE RECOGNIZED THE NEED TO ACTIVELY WELCOM PEOPLE OF EVERY FAITH, GENDER, AND SEXUALITY, AND LET THE CHRISTIAN LANGUAGE GO IN FAVOR OF A MORE UNIVERSAL, AND LESS RELIGIOUSLY SPECIFIC MESSAGE. WE RECOGNIZED THAT THE ORDER WAS INTEGRAL TO THE LIFE OF COLUMCILLE, AND COLUMCILLE TO THE ORDER, BUT HAD THE CLEAR UNDERSTANDING THAT EACH HAD ITS OWN LIFE. WE CHANGED OUR NAME TO THE COMPANIONS OF ORAN.
THE STORY OF BILL’S PASSING INTO MYSTERY IS ANOTHER STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME, BUT IT IS ALSO A PART OF OUR STORY, BECAUSE IT WAS OUR LOVE FOR HIM AND THE MYSTERY HE LOVES, THAT BROUGHT US TO EACH OTHER. CARING FOR HIM IN HIS LAST DAYS FUSED US TOGETHER, TENDING AND CRYING AND LAUGHING IN EACH OTHERS’ ARMS. IN OCTOBER OF 2018, WE GATHERED AROUND THE CENTER STONE IN COLUMBA’S CHAPEL, AND MADE A COMMITMENT TO WALK WITH EACH OTHER INTO THE MYSTERY – AND THE COMPANIONS OF ORAN WAS REBORN.
*All quotations used with Bill's permission, of course!